EXHAUSTION, ANGER and DISAPPOINTMENT- BUT STILL I RISE!!!!

Good evening,

Let me begin by saying I am very sorry for all of the run-on sentences and typos I entered yesterday. I didn't realize just how exhausted I was. My night was restful and I awakened to the sounds of voices speaking Creole in melodic harmony.

Roland met me this morning with his usual Cuban pride. I granted him his wish. Remember, the scrub caps I talked about? I gave him caps with logos from the Florida State Seminoles, Tennesee Volunteers, and the Indiana Hoosiers. He was ecstatic. He had me write down all of my information for future contact. He even stated in front of our respective colleagues, "God Bless America!!!". I pulled Roland to the side and quietly asked him if he was abusing his anesthesia medication. A Cuban saying something positive about America? I have learned that our photographer captured that moment. Roland simply gave me in return that Santa Claus laugh as is typical of his personality. He told me of his day's schedule and we both went on to start the day's work.

The world is filled with evil people, triumphs and tragedies, victories and defeats. Today Mother Haiti and I experienced both first hand. I started off the day by seeing a pediatric consult from my colleagues.

8 month old Agaella, (pronounced A-gale-a), was brought in by her mother to have the baby's wound checked. Baby Agaella had been seriously wounded during the quake with a very large right thigh laceration down to her precious bone. She had been seen during the acute phase of the initial earthquake and had her wounds washed out and partially closed. Unfortunately, today she presented with pus coming from her wounds.

"Darlene, what have you been washing the wounds with?" the translator inquires.

"Doctor, I used water" she replies. "From where?" I asked.
"From the street."
Puzzled I look at the translator. My eyes demonstrated confusion and inquiry as to whether or not something was lost in translation. The translator asks her a question in Creole again. I now realize that the water she speaks of is the same water found in the potholes on the city streets that are filled with bacteria-laden mud deposits associated with the night's rain. "What have you fed the baby?"

"The water," as she peers at me.

That same water that pigs, chickens, and people tredge through each day. I dropped everything and ran back to the hotel (through the streets with the children running beside me cheering and filled with joy). I gather Enfamil and bottles, diapers and a can opener). I return to hand it to Ms. Shaw and her baby.

"Merci!!"

EXHAUSTION- from the deplorable living conditions and the visual images of my wife and I feeding our children the "water".

I continued to operate today, four additional life saving procedures and feeling like I am making a difference only to have my elation and adrenaline rush marred by a dark feeling. For you see, Haiti is filled with politics.

The Medical Director of St. Michel Hospital who has been useless at best, asked to meet with my team and an organization from France (The French version of Doctors Without Borders). As a background, please familiarize yourself with Papa and Baby Doc and the brutalization of the Haitian people.

The French representatives spoke of long terms plans, suboptimal conditions and the needs of the people. Without turning to politics, the irony of this meeting made my blood boil. They informed me that the short term plans once they were up and running did not include my team.

All kinds of emotions floated through my mind. The most prominent of them was ANGER!! I defended my team's efforts and the Miracle created on Jacmel Street (our operating room arising from the ashes). My colleagues clearly saw the emotion I had today as we were less than politely asked to suspend operations.

I have been supported by my colleagues- they assure me that I have made a difference. I know that I have but my desire to preserve life and the compassion for my brothers and sisters comes out as tears today. My feeling today is what Haiti feels every day. Only this country's tears are made of blood.

I am not defeated just fallen. As I tell my children... "If you fall down seven times, always stand up eight." Tomorrow, they are going to have to throw me out. My team plans on conducting business as usual. The Jacmel Mayor is supportive of us.

There is nothing but chaos here- I hope to combat some of it again with a new day. Word came to me that the Swiss heard of our "problem" and are willing to provide a portable operating room they shipped in today. This would be their contribution and our blessing. I do not want to feel an additional emotion- DISAPPOINTMENT.

This evening we traveled to "Tent City". This is an area in the center of town where many casted Coleman tents and sought refuge during the quake. My colleagues convinced me that I would feel better if I saw patients and assessed wounds at one of the tables we used in this makeshift clinic. We evaluated over 300 people tonight and I was present during the assessment of many. Another way to contribute and some satisfaction for me. It was horrific though. 13 year olds with vaginal discharge from unprotected sex, mothers and fathers with hypertension and diabetes, cancer patients with a need for pain control, traumatic wounds (mentally and physically). Haiti will continue with despair and woe until Justice prevails.

BUT STILL I RISE!!! Tomorrow will come if I am granted life for another day. I promise to live it to the fullest acting as the voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. Thanks for your attention.

Special Thanks to my wife and children and to all the old and new (i.e. Doug Grannan, Shirley (aka Otis' wife), and others). I would like to respond to all of you individually but I am time limited. I appreciate you all and one day we will talk about this tragedy.

Much Love,
Doc J